Ask Amy: Wonderful guy might not be a good match

Dear Amy: I’ve been dating a man for seven months. He is absolutely wonderful. We are even talking about marriage, except that we don’t see eye-to-eye on politics. This was made even more apparent with the recent Supreme Court ruling in the Dobbs case.

We resolved to adopt a “we have different viewpoints, but we support” rule.

Yesterday, I hesitantly asked the question: “Are you vaccinated against COVID?”

I was almost scared to hear his answer because I knew what it would be, and sure enough — he has not been vaccinated.

It is entirely my fault for not having this conversation earlier in the relationship, because I have lupus and am taking several immunosuppressive medications.

With the newest COVID variant being so contagious I am very worried that he will end up catching the virus, and then I would catch it because we spend so much time together.

When I asked if he would get vaccinated for me, he said “No,” and gave me a long list of political reasons why.

How do I explain how important this is to my health?

I have five kids (all under the age of 18) from my previous marriage.

With my health issues, I already worry about leaving my children behind too soon, should the worst happen.

Should I just throw away a relationship that finally makes me happy? Should I end it over political differences?

— Vulnerable

Dear Vulnerable: You see this issue as somehow being about politics, but you’re the person with lupus and five children.

You’re the person already worried about your life being shortened by your autoimmune disease.

So this isn’t about politics. This is about science, safety, and health.

This man’s vaccination could benefit him, his colleagues, neighbors, and family members. He’s already decided that he’s not willing to do that.

Of course he won’t get vaccinated for you!

If he cared about your health, he would do everything possible to guard your health.

My question is: Why don’t you care more about your health?

You have a serious chronic illness. You are medically vulnerable.

You also have five children who need you.

Yes — as you rightly point out, this is on you. It is hard to understand how or why you would start a new relationship during a global pandemic without asking a potential partner’s vaccination status prior to meeting.

It is an unfortunate situation, but your guy has already made a choice. He’s fine with it.

Now it’s your turn.

Dear Amy: I have been friends with “Charlotte” for 35 years.

Nine years ago, because we were both widowed we agreed to rent an apartment together.

At first it was wonderful, however, slowly but surely she began to criticize and correct me, especially in front of my children and friends.

I have repeatedly told her how this makes me feel, but then she says I’m being a child and overreacting.

How do I get her to stop? This has affected our friendship to the point where I can’t stand being around her in social settings.

She has even done this in front of my clients.

We both work in the same office at the beginning of the tax season. Then in January, I move to another office location, which is a relief.

Is this a sign of senility, or is she being a bully?

— Fed Up

Dear Fed Up: This behavior could be a sign of senility, certainly if you have asked “Charlotte” not to belittle and correct you and she continues to do so.

However, aside from telling her how this makes you feel, you don’t report actually asking her to stop doing it.

It might be time for you two to have a serious heart-to-heart.

I’m talking about a meeting around the kitchen table where you review your living arrangement to see if it is still viable.

Charlotte’s ongoing critique of you might indicate that she has grown unhappy with being your roommate. You are obviously unhappy.

If you decide to continue as roommates, you should tell Charlotte that moving forward you expect her not to criticize you in front of others, and if she persists you will remind her publicly to stop.

Dear Amy: Responding to “Loving, but Sad Sister,” whose brother left out factual details in the obituary of their father — I suggest that she write and publish her own!

As a librarian, I fulfilled many requests for newspaper obituaries. These death notices last forever, and she should correct the record.

— Retired Librarian

Dear Librarian: Great advice.

(You can email Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)

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