Whips beg Lords to do their job, Boris snubs reunion before arch-Rejoiner’s rant

Rishi’s star power undermines his own Government agenda

The Lords is often disparagingly referred to as the UK’s premier retirement home, but their Lordships proved themselves a night-life-loving, party-going bunch this week.

On Wednesday, Westminster’s great and good arrived en masse at Westminster Abbey for Policy Exchange’s popular annual party.

Rishi Sunak was the main attraction – well, second after the free lukewarm white wine. He also gave the speech at last year’s reception, in which he joked about his green card, Jeremy Hunt’s leadership ambitions and even a sex party company he’d given taxpayer’s cash to.

This year’s speech was notably more lowkey and low energy, perhaps once again proving Sir Keir Starmer’s claim that he’s given up.

The highlight of the party was being shown a text by one Tory lord from their whips, flagging that the party’s voting numbers “have dropped dramatically” over the last few votes, and begging peers to stay on the estate and do their job.

You could even track the falling Tory turnout throughout the Illegal Migration Bill’s passage, dropping from 157 Tory opposition votes to 127 four divisions later – perfectly coinciding with the start of the Policy Exchange party.

Sir Keir Starmer recently changed his view on House of Lords abolition, saying he may need to “flood” the upper chamber with his own supporters to get legislation through.

It turns out that’s massively overcomplicating things – all he needs to do is put on drinks receptions in SW1 and he can easily defeat the Tories.

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Talking of Mr Sunak…

Prior to Mr Sunak’s speech, one of his long-term aides was spotted flattening, or plucking, Mr Sunak’s stray hairs.

Now that’s a dedicated bag carrier…

Rishi proves his credentials in artificial intelligence

While the US, China and other big economies try kindling a new economic boom from AI technologies, the UK is proudly forging a different path: trying to become a world leader in the regulation of the technology.

Rishi’s obsession with overburdening regulations should surprise no one, but perhaps there’s another reason for his desire to clamp down on artificial intelligence.

This week Sir Arbuthnot was forwarded a video doing the rounds among those civil servants, seemingly originating from their Reddit forum, bitter about their low pay rise offer.

Civil Servants use AI deep fake to mock Rishi Sunak

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The clip uses AI voices and face tracking to create a “deep fake” of Mr Sunak, delivering an entirely made-up speech about the forthcoming lump sum payment negotiated by the civil service union.

On Thursday the Cabinet Office formally published their guidance to civil servants on the use of generative AI.

Funnily enough, it didn’t cover making satirical videos about the prime minister…

The Toriest of unions

Last weekend there was a star-studded reunion of the Oxford Union presidents from days gone by, some whose term in office predated the Polio Vaccine; others who have only recently left the hallowed debating halls for the real world.

Theresa May, Michael Heseltine, Michael Gove, Jacob Rees-Mogg, Michael Crick, Damian Green and Hinds, Tony Abbott and former Spad and organiser James Price all donned their black tie for the occasion.

There was, of course, one notable absence: Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson.

Boris, of course, only managed to make president of the union after ditching his blue rosette and cynically donning the cause of the SDP.

According to a source, Boris initially declined his invitation to the event, then said he’d come, and then re-declined.

Ultimately it sounds like he made the right choice. His arch-Brexit nemesis Michael Heseltine used his speech’s concluding peroration to demand Britain re-enter the EU…

The pen is mightier than the Guardian

The most absurd story of the week has to go to The Guardian, who despite many valid and plausible reasons to attack the Prime Minister came out with a piece that would make some QAnon members respond with a sceptically-raised eyebrow.

They reported that Rishi Sunak’s favourite pen, the disposable Pilot V Pen – which just so happens to be one topic Mr Sunak and Sir Arbuthnot completely agree on – has erasing ink within it, leading to supposed claims he could be using it to undermine the transparency of Government records.

Thankfully for Sir Keir, the Guardian can accuse him of no such thing.

Not only has he never used the popular Westminster pen, but multiple photos show his writing implement of choice to be Uniball Eye Micro rollerball, which goes so far as to promise its ink is actively “fade-proof”.

Guardian hacks will shortly be able to sleep soundly in their beds…

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