Dear Amy: My daughter and her family (her husband, our 15- and 13-year-old grandchildren, our 20-year-old granddaughter and her boyfriend) will be visiting this summer.
My daughter has asked me if it’s OK for the 20-year-old and her boyfriend (both are college students) to smoke pot freely at my home — or, in her words, “Will they have to sneak around?”
I am flabbergasted that they think this is acceptable behavior around the younger kids. Apparently both college students have medical marijuana cards for some made-up medical condition, so that makes everything OK.
Even though the family is renting a car at the airport, my daughter has asked if my granddaughter and her boyfriend can use my car while they are here in order to have “couple time.”
I’m thrilled to think they will be driving my car stoned!
My daughter and I have had some terse words – she is defending her daughter’s choices, while I have expressed my desire that they abstain from this habit for a week.
I know marijuana is becoming more and more acceptable, but I feel they are too young to need this crutch to live the simple student life.
And I’m hurt by the lack of respect my daughter is showing by pushing this issue. Am I being a crabby old biddy?
Dear Gran: If you’re a crabby old biddy, then maybe your granddaughter is a spoiled little baby.
My point is that if you’re old enough to smoke pot freely at your grandparents’ house, then you’re also old enough to make your own case directly to Grammy and Pop Pop, instead of making your mommy do it.
In states where pot use is legal, 21 is the legal age to use it. Your granddaughter is underage.
If your daughter asked you if it would be OK for your granddaughter and her boyfriend to sit on the lanai and drink rum and cokes during their visit, you would say, “No — of course not” because they are not of legal age.
Prescriptions for medical marijuana have been relatively easier to obtain since the pandemic and the opening of telehealth; some companies are offering “weed cards” through a completely online process with their own virtual physicians prescribing — although underage applicants would still need an “adult” to give permission and participate in the process.
If this couple decides to use pot during their visit with you, then they are either going to have to use (less conspicuous) edibles to treat their medical conditions, or — yes — “sneak around.”
In terms of using your car during the visit, you should tell your daughter that you’ll think about it and discuss it with your granddaughter directly, after they arrive.
Dear Amy: I recently found out that my husband has had sexual relationships with numerous women. He says he has a sex addiction. He started attending SSA (Sex Addicts Anonymous) meetings, and I thought everything was better. We have relocated and he broke off his contact with other women.
Since the move, he has relapsed and is back to his cheating ways — and now he is in a residential treatment program for 30 days. He has an addiction to marijuana, as well.
Am I wrong for still wanting to leave him, even though I know he is sick and is trying to get better?
— Guilty Wife
Dear Guilty: Your husband’s addictions place you (and him) at some risk, and you need to make the choice that is healthiest for you.
I would not suggest that you steal off in the middle of the night while your husband is in rehab. I do suggest that you discuss with him the idea of a trial separation.
Look into whether his rehab facility has a support group for loved ones and family members. Also – a virtual support group offered through a group like S-anon (sanon.org)[CQ] might help you to see that you are not alone; communicating with others might help you to clarify your own options and choices.
Dear Amy: Thank you so much for your empathetic Mother’s Day response to “A Mother’s Heart.” This grieving mom talked about how tough Mother’s Day is for parents whose children have died.
After my nephew died, I was shocked at how often people seemed to just erase him. It has been heartbreaking.
— Grieving Aunt
Dear Aunt: I hope this letter and my response has inspired people to recognize that — even after the loss of a child — parents never stop being parents.
(You can email Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)
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